There is also a hierarchy to pub snacking, and it tends to favour the unapologetically retro. The most traditional boozers sell pork scratchings (rendered, fried or baked pig skin) and Scampi Fries (breadcrumb nuggets with a seafood and lemon hint) – which taste better than they sound and are far saltier than they need to be, a ploy to make pub-goers drink even more. If you’ve arrived in pub utopia, there’ll be Scotch eggs or pork pies for sale on the counter – to be eaten by hand and never with a knife or fork.
Rule #7: Know when the evening is over
British pubs can feel timeless until, suddenly, they do not. Like the final whistle at the football, the last order bell generally sounds 15 minutes before closing time – around 23:00 on weekdays or midnight at weekends.
This is your cue that you’ll have one final chance to order before leaving considerately when the bell rings for one last time. Like football too, this signals victory for the staff, but defeat for the pub-goer. Once it rings out, don’t negotiate with staff, don’t hang around and don’t make a racket when you leave.
“It’s another great pub tradition and a historical but efficient way to inform customers that now is your last chance to get your nightcap,” says Hough. “Rung again, the bell indicates that no further service takes place. This is when the fun’s over and the bar staff get their well-deserved rest. No one likes a hanger-on, so when you’re told to leave – leave!”
